Self-sabotage
Categories: Guest Post
Written By: Rodel
This is a guest post by Pradeep Mahesh (Maheshwari) from
We start a business or take up a job with the full intention of succeeding in our endeavor. Yet we manage to fail in many of our undertakings. Is it possible that we are ourselves to blame and the fault is in the self-sabotage that we may be practicing? It sounds ludicrous but we may be doing exactly that – albeit unknowingly.
In case you are the boss; in whichever capacity that maybe, begin with the question “Am I stifling my junior? Am I always there, looking over his shoulder and catching his each and very mistake before he makes them?”. It does not require a very great intelligence to see that if the answer to these questions comes in a “yes”, the sabotage situation would be obvious. Why? The employee would become a nervous wreck to begin with and be constantly afraid. He would rather wait for the boss to take over and stop using his initiative. Human nature being what it is, in this over-bossy scenario it has been observed that the boss goes beyond the call of duty to correct and guide the junior, letting his vanity ride. He may even go to the extent of becoming abusive and forever critical and be seen as an ogre to be placated; in which case the junior would certainly stoop to lying and hiding unpleasant truths as much as he can to avoid censor. Soon the company’s working will go off-track. This is tantamount to self-sabotage. Juniors in their zeal to show off their capabilities can do the same.
There are many ways in which relationships can be impaired. One is by being there always. This would hold true in any situation. Husband-wife, senior lawyer-junior, Industrialist-junior engineer, Shopkeeper-salesman etc. In our own fear of things going wrong, we try to preempt all wrong-doing. In the process we permit our tempers to fray at the ineptitude of the juniors. Why not let him surprise you? He is where he is because he is not you. His learning curve has just begun whereas yours is reaching the optimum. When you choke his learning process you also choke your own business and enterprise.
A good manager, would place checks on the way but not interfere at every step. For instance, a senior lawyer may ask his junior to study a case and draft an argument. But while it is being done, he needs to keep his impatience in bridled control and refrain himself from calling on the junior every now and then and correcting or redirecting his efforts. This is pure and simple self-sabotage. The work will never get done; until and unless you are sub-consciously damaging your own enterprise and this also I have seen happen. One person I know is so afraid of making a loss both monetary and of face that he keeps on redirecting and over-managing the issue in his work-place by giving new orders every day and forever berating his juniors. As he works for his father, his aim is to find excuses and scapegoats so that his father will never have a handle on his own shortcomings. In a huge enterprise, this gets absorbed and the enterprise is primarily self sustaining so no great harm is done in the long run but it is equally true that it is running below par.
It is essential that we let some efforts of our lesser brethren be recognized. If and whenever possible, let the junior’s work be appreciated and manage with it if it is not in any way hurting the overall performance of the firm. See this as method in madness. It will bring in rewards in the form of a wholly committed relationship. A husband who appreciates his wife’s efforts at a new dish is rewarded with a happy wife and home. He may make suggestions in the form of “Perhaps” leaving the wife to ponder over the details and try again gladly.
When we link up with others we don’t let go our own need to have a life of our own. This is an elemental “need” that will color our behavior at all times in any situation. It is a wise man who allows himself to flow with the plans of others wherever and whenever possible. The need of someone is felt only when he is absent. A wise manager will use this piece of wisdom in his working both in official and personal relationships. When a junior gets into a sticky situation and is extricated from it by his senior, he will understand fully the value of his senior. Even then, the senior should explain and teach rather than give him a piece of his mind in the form of a critical lecture.
Make things flow and go with the flow.
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